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Control Issues

Updated: May 30

During my life I've come to realize that God likes to show up out of nowhere and completely change MY plans! I am very much a "control freak" type of person. I want to know what's happening, when it will happen, how it will happen, who will be involved, how long it will take, etc. I like to have a mapped out schedule of my day/week/month/year so that I can stay on top of all that there is to juggle. I am that person that keeps a "to-do" list on my desk at work so that I can look at it at the end of the day and see what all I've accomplished (sometimes adding previously completed tasks just to have the satisfaction of crossing just one more thing off).


I've come to realize that I am actually not as in control of things as I'd like to be. I can't control the weather. I can't control whether my toddler wakes up in a good mood or a bad one. I can't control when the Corona Virus will end and return life to a normal pattern. I can't control gas prices, the cost of weekly groceries, or the rate at which laundry accumulates at my house.


This has become even more evident in the past few months as God has continually worked to take control of my life despite my efforts to stop it.


Mid year 2019 we received an informal "are you interested in something like this" email from a family friend about mission work. We've always felt that some day our family would end up in mission work again, but definitely didn't believe it was time to delve in to that when I was pregnant and only a few months from delivering Kaitlyn.


A few months later in talking with another family friend the question came up again...

Are you interested in getting back to cross cultural ministry?


As a poor newly-wed I didn't mind the adventure of a deployment overseas for a year or so. Now as an established teacher, mother of two and wife of nine years my initial reactions are much different. I immediately begin thinking of the practical ways my life will change, what my children's futures will look like, and what it would mean for our extended families to move across the world, but God wouldn't leave me (well...us) alone about it.


We decided we'd play the "God if you will.... then we will go" game.


I've gotta stop playing this game...

God ALWAYS wins...


God if you'll give us a sign...

God if you'll help us get the application complete...

God if you'll give us the courage and strength to tell our family and friends...

God if you'll ease our financial concerns...

God if you'll make sure we get this assignment...

God if you'll meet this criteria...


Wouldn't you know it if he did ALL of these things...


After months of prayerfully considering, filing paperwork, interviewing and most importantly completely surrendering EVERYTHING to God we accepted the call to move to Bulgaria and restart the ministry of the Church of the Nazarene in the capital city!


I am excited for this opportunity, but it means giving up some of my control. I am having to relearn that HIS ways are higher than mine and that ultimately HIS ways are better than mine.


So here I am... Just a few days since officially accepting the offer to be deployed to Bulgaria for our next ministry assignment, and relinquishing all of my control into the hands of my Heavenly Father! I am ready for this next step of ministry and to see how God will continue to use me for His mission!

#lifelessons #growing #plants

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