Are you Anxious or Afraid?
God: "I hear your thoughts racing like feet down the dark hallway... I'm there already. I've seen the end of it. And I want you to know right here as you walk through it all, you're okay."
-Written by Becky Thompson
Best Selling Author and Creator of Midnight Mom Devotional
Becky Thompson, a Christian blogger, who has created the Midnight Mom Devotional, is one of the few people I regularly follow on social media. I discovered her blog when I was awake in the middle of the night (ironic that I would find it after midnight?!) with Kaitlyn during feeding and diaper changes. I found myself surfing the internet, social media, watching Netflix, etc as I waited on her to fall back asleep. Sometimes I'd find myself wide awake staring at this baby that I loved so much wondering why she wouldn't let me sleep!
A year later and we are still up nightly with Kaitlyn. Over time, I've grown able to quickly get back to sleep, after making a bottle and settling Kate back to sleep, but I still find myself reading these devotionals. If you click the link below you'll see the blog post that the quote above came from. You'll notice that the post was originally written in March. At the peak of this unknown pandemic. At the beginning of this strange year that we've been idling through.
Somehow I missed this post in March and it just surfaced to my social media pages this week. I found myself reading this and my heart became heavy as I realized this is exactly how I've been feeling. Joshua and I rode home from church this Sunday and I shared my heart for a minute before pulling in to the drive way of my dad's home (our home for the week). I shared that I'm angry. I'm anxious. I'm exhausted. I feel like I could have added a MILLION other emotions because for weeks (maybe even months) I've been feeling so many things.
During this season of transition in our lives, we have found ourselves in this space of questions, uncertainty, worry, exhaustion, and confusion. Mixed in with these emotions we've experience the gladness, excitement, wonder, and joy of spending time with family, celebrating with friends, and enjoying being together and experiencing more of life together than ever before.
As I read Becky's blog, I couldn't help but think how she was literally writing from MY heart. It felt like something I had written myself.
God: Do you want to talk about it?
Me: "Do we need to? I mean you already know..."
God: *waiting patiently, unhurried, undistracted, never annoyed.
Me: Okay.... I'm afraid my life is always going to feel a little unsettled...
God: Anything else?
Me: EVERYTHING ELSE.
In this season of our lives I feel like I'm constantly praying and seeking peace and hoping that our lives won't always feel this "unsettled".
I know that you all can relate to this...
Whether you're moving overseas, moving neighborhoods, working during a global pandemic, parenting and trying to complete virtual learning, or simply trying to go throughout your day without feeling like nothing will ever go back to normal, I encourage you to read this next part of her blog... Read it! And then read it again!
God: I hear your thoughts racing like feet down the dark hallway... I'm there already. I've seen the end of it. And I want you to know right here as you walk through it all, you're okay. I haven't gone to sleep, and I won't.
I pray that as you read this you pause for a moment. Call out to the Father who already knows but is waiting for you to express to him your worries and your cares. He's here for you!
Today in the weeks leading to Thanksgiving I am thankful for a God that hears my thoughts "like feet racing down the dark hallway" and that he has already seen the end of this crazy season and that He's walking through this season by my side.